Natalie L. Policani

April 30, 2025

She breathed in the fresh morning air. It filled her lungs, feeling pleasant to inhale. She hummed a tune that had gotten stuck in her mind at a local celebration the night before. She had gone to it, but had felt like an outsider. She once knew deep friendship, close comraderie, because during her first marriage, she met the standard. She was deemed acceptable. She remembers laughing without a care in the world, not ever realizing how good she had it. Those friends were long gone, she thought, as she gazed out into the night sky with the well-lit dancing and singing crowd behind her. Perhaps one day she would turn toward them, but for now, the night sky was her closest friend.   

That was last night, though, and this morning the air is crisp. The morning sun speaks of new beginnings. She walks toward her usual spot to get water. There is comfort in routine, in doing this daily. She knows what to expect. But today is different.

She sees Him.

His presence struck her. She knew this was no mere mortal. She sensed who He was. She was a spirit having a physical experience, not a physical being having a spiritual experience. What would he say? She wondered. She had not been good at the rules.

The rules.

The rules stood between her and relationship.

In her world, if you follow the rules, you are worthy of relationship.

In His world, you are worthy of relationship because no one is perfect. We all deserve death. And that’s exactly why he died. To cover her sins.

But she knew she deserved death. Others had made that abundantly clear to her.

But Him?

He just wanted relationship.

She noticed his eyes crinkle as he warmly smiled.

“All have sinned and fall short of my glory,” he said. “I died for all that,” He said, “Just have a relationship with me and I can empower you.”

Just relationship.

“But people think I didn’t try.” She sputtered.

“Did you try to get yourself into those situations?”

“Well, no.”

“There is more to it, My Child. It’s not black and white. Although language is limited, there is more to it. As a little child, you were all made to enter into a perfectly loving, structured family. In a Garden of Eden, your life would have been perfect. But in this world, there is sin, trauma, difficulties. You did not have the steady, loving, nurturing, structured relationships the way you needed them. We all need healthy relationships. Your male caregiver was absent. It could have been emotionally or physically, either way, Satan had gotten him down, sucked him into his own world, where he did not value relationships. Your female caregiver did not have the resources to nurture and love you, having been abandoned herself. And so, you feel like an orphan. And all humans are, because our human fathers and mothers and caregivers will love us to some degree and yet fail to love us in other ways. No relationship will perfectly fit the void like the one with Me.

He gently placed his hand on hers. She felt comforted, seen, understood, heard, validated.

“That lack of relationship – it got you. It sucked every last drop out of you until you were bone-dry from a lack of love, with nothing left to give. And that’s where you were vulnerable to your particular type of sin. Do you think this sin pattern is the worst?” He already knew what she would say.

“Yes! I endure humiliation from others judging me, causing me to feel unloved. I live with so much guilt and shame I am practically buried beneath it. At least the pharisees get to bask in pride and feel self-righteous since they are good at keeping the rules.

“Would you rather have that than relationship with Me?”

“Hell, no.” She said.

“At least it strips away my caring what people think about me?” She shrugged with a half-smile. “Trying to look at the bright side, Jesus.”

He smiled, knowingly. “It’s okay to admit that it hurts and it’s hard. I validate those feelings. Allow yourself to grieve those lost relationships. But move forward. You’ve got me. I’m a constant. And you are on adventure with me. You may be famous in your city, but I’ll make you famous throughout history. I’ll be your PR person, he joked. Basically, you are known as the woman at the well or the woman who had 5 husbands.

“That’s how I’m known?” she gasped.

“Remember, the Bible’s audience is a very religious crowd. They follow my rules religiously! But that’s one way those people show me they love me.  Jesus joked.

“So…”

“That’s how they identify you, although there is so much more to you. Because you do not care what they think, you will tell everyone that I told you everything about your life. Did I have that type of conversation with just anyone? I chose you, My Child. I wanted to show you your worth because the world judges you.

“What adventures will we go on, Jesus?”

“Start by telling them what we talked about, what you saw. Simply describe what you experienced.”

She started to walk, but then could not help herself. “The God of the universe, God, Jesus….he just spoke to me! Me! Me? Me! He told me everything about my life,” she started to shout. “Everything! He knew everything about me! “

“I do have worth. I do have value. He came to me!”

She had met with Him. And that’s all she needed to share.

               She did not know who to turn to first.